Now That I'm a Goner
by Deep Forest Green
Summary: My interpretation of Brody's last thoughts in the Season 3 finale. Warning: Contains major spoilers, obviously. (Disclaimer: I don't own Homeland. If I did, I'd be a Koch brother.)


"Wait," I scream suddenly, running in front of the noose and toward the chain-link fence. "I have something to say. I know most of you don't speak English, but I have to say this anyway." I don't turn around, don't look to see if the executioners are debating with each other over whether to allow me some last words. But after a few seconds no one pulls me away, so I just keep talking as fast as I can.

"I just want everyone to know that I have no regrets," I begin quickly. "Truly, I don't. I know that may sound hard to believe, but I think that every decision I made was the right one. I said once that I loved my country, America, and that's truer now than ever. The part of me that's still a Marine is proud to be dying now in her service. I always thought I'd die for my country, but I never thought it would end like this. I truly believe that I did more good for America in the last few days than in all my time as a Marine. My wife, Jess, and my kids, Dana and Chris, I just want you all to know that I love you so much, and Dana, if you can hear this, honey, don't be ashamed of your dad anymore. I'm sorry that we never got to mend our relationship when we had the chance, and I'm truly sorry for breaking your trust. I hope that in death, you can forgive me."

I sense that my time is up. The soldiers are gathering around me, and I scan the crowd desperately, my survival instinct kicking in, waiting for anyone or anything to intervene. I know that Allah has allowed this for a reason, that I knew the risks when I signed up, that I had made peace with death. But suddenly I see a woman climbing up over the fence, reaching out to me.

No. It can't be. I told her not to come. Why is she putting herself through this, and furthermore drawing attention to herself? Doesn't she know how dangerous it is? Why can't she just remember the good times we had together? Is she trying to blow the whole mission, everything we've worked for? Everything I'm about to die for?

It takes all my willpower to refrain from calling out "Carrie!", but I do reach back out to her as the soldiers begin to drag me away. Now that I'm going to die, I can say all the things that have been bottled up inside of me all these years, but I still have to protect her no matter what. I don't know how she managed to be spared, but all I can think is, if one of us has to die, better me than her. I'm glad she told us about the baby last night, almost as if she knew. Now that I'm a goner, it's good to know that she's going to keep that baby. To have someone to remember me by, if nothing else.

There's a reason hangings don't happen in the 21st century in the rest of the world. They're brutal. They're inhumane. They're graphic. Especially when they're done with construction cranes. It's a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone. Not even Waldon. Not even the bastard in the CIA who let this happen to me.

Maybe my last thought was of Isa. Maybe it was of Carrie. Maybe it was of Dana or Jess. I don't really know. I guess all I ever wanted was to live and die with purpose. That's what every soldier wants. And I've done that. People will remember me, talk about me for years to come. Whether what they say will be good or bad, they'll talk about me, that's for sure. I've been on the brink of death many times before, so I've had time to prepare. The only thing that's different this time is that it's actually happening.

* * *

_So what now? 72 virgins and all that?_

_Not so fast, Brody. _

_But I'm a martyr now. _

_A martyr for America. Not a martyr for Allah. _

_I died for what I believed in. Doesn't that amount to the same thing? _

_That is for Allah to decide. _

_So will I be going to heaven or to hell? _

_You must wait to find out until the judgment day. _

_That's fine. I'd rather have Carrie and our baby than 72 virgins anyway._

_You will see her again someday, Nicholas. _

_Yes. Yes I will. Wherever I go, she'll be there. _


End file.
